Thanks for the contribution Jerome.
Initially I was not really sure why Keith asked me to guest blog. He’s definitely not out of material. When I asked him for some ideas, he promptly rattled off about twenty different ones (including this gem: inexplicably, Kyle Orton is Karl’s favorite Chicago Bear—the picture above should make him rethink that terrible decision). It’s also not because I’m some kind of medicinal genius: when it comes to science, I’m about one notch above Ron Burgundy (“You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.”). And it’s not because I know Karl super well. Big Bear and I have broken manna (a.k.a. Chicago style pizza) together, but beyond that I do not possess a cache of Karl stories like the normal author of this blog. The only thing I really know that has relevance to this blog is Keith himself.
And then it hit me. Keith, the selfless brother that he is, has worked tirelessly on this blog for some time now, and like any normal runt of the family, he needs some attention. So, I’d like to use my brief bit of space to focus on Keith. He is a wonderful friend, brother, son, etc., but here’s what you should really know about him:
1) Keith is actually not from Illinois—he is a Wisconsinite.
2) Keith’s favorite punctuation mark is the semicolon; every time you read this blog from now on and see a semicolon in the text, you should know that it made him smile to use it.
3) Keith roots for the Michigan Wolverines, who have not beaten THE Ohio State Buckeyes in football in 2,204 days. Read that number again. It’s large.
4) When Keith fake runs (you know, like when you’re coming out of the game and you should hustle off the floor but you don’t want to sprint because then you’d look like a nerd or Sammy Sosa, neither of which is very flattering), he looks like a deer bounding through the woods. I say this because Keith makes fun of my fake run, and it’s high time I strike back.
5) Keith likes to clean the living room when he gets nervous about Michigan games. This was always a win-win for me because by the end of the game, I’d have a Buckeyes’ victory and a clean apartment.
6) Keith bikes in spandex. Questionable.
7) Keith has an arch-nemesis named Edward Cookson.
8) Finally, if Keith were to stumble upon a magic lamp and be granted three wishes, here’s what he would choose: Karl’s health, a Cubs World Series crown, and a pumpkin spice latte. Since we know that one of those will never happen, make sure to keep praying for Karl’s healing and if you see Keith, treat him to some Starbucks.